Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
