Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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