I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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