I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
