I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
