when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just pee around me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
