Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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