Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You don't make any sense
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