It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
