i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
