weddingsv make me drug and hornr
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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