He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
