My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize