i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
