Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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