do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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