I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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