That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
