Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
