All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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