and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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