Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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