oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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