So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
