I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
