yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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