Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
