Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
