the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
