whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
