Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
