Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
