i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If I die, sorry about rent.
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