this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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