the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
