I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
