Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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