Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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