That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
