He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
