I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
