i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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