You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
