yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
