I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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