Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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