i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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