Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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