Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize