My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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