I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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