Actions speak louder than pants.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
