walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
