chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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