how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
