I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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