and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize