Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
