Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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