I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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