how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think i scared a bird with my dick
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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