I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
