Don't make out with my wife yet
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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