Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize