trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
