it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
