party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
