it wasn't lemon gatorade
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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