At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
