So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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