so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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