I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
