i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
