i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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