I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
