anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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