You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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