i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
