I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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