"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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