Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Congratulations! We have a period
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