I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
