Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
