I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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