Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's Friday. Sex?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
