Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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