I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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