That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
