we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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