so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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